NSFW Read online

  “I want to touch every inch of you. Taste what I’ve touched. Fuck myself into your brain the way you’re in mine.”

  He murmured it against my ear and my mouth fell open. I pressed my hips against him.

  I was on overdrive, every part of me responding to his voice, his touch. I needed his hands to strip off my clothes. I needed his mouth to follow.

  He pulled back an inch, staring down at my face. Studying me.

  I wondered what he saw. My lips trembling. My eyes wide with desire, and conflict.

  My throat worked. “After you kissed me in the trees that time—” my voice shook a little “—I had a dream.”

  His expression darkened. “Yeah?”

  “Mhmm. It was you and me in the middle of the forest. You were a lumberjack, and…”

  I trailed off as I felt his shoulders start to rock. “Seriously?”

  My hand slapped him in the shoulder. “Yes. It’s my fantasy, don’t knock it.”

  “Sorry. Keep going.” He tried to keep a straight face.

  “You lift me up against this tree. And it’s green all around us and you dive under my skirt.”

  The humor fell away, replaced by heat. “Then what.”

  “Then you make me scream.” The tension in his face matched his body now, and it radiated off him. “I don’t know how many times I got off to that. Though when I’m at home, the role of you is played by my vibrator.”

  Avery’s lashes lowered as he studied my face. “Toys can’t do what I can do.”

  “You’d be surprised.”

  He shook his head once. “They can’t look into your eyes and know you need it slower, even though you’re begging for faster. That you’re about to come. Can’t add a finger in just the right spot when you’re about to fall off the edge.”

  The intensity in his expression had me arching toward him, asking him with my body for exactly that.

  When he wound a piece of my hair around his finger, tugging lightly, it had me almost whimpering. Even before he stroked a finger down the side of my face.

  “I promise you, Duchess.” The nickname had heat pooling between my thighs. “Nothing in your nightstand can fuck you like I could.”

  Holy shit.

  “Now let’s get out of here before I prove it to you.”

  He shifted off me, pulling out of the tent.

  I lay there on my back for a second, catching my breath.

  When I caught up to him at the desk, he had his credit card out. A box with a sticker advertising the tent we’d just been in was sitting in front of the register.

  “I thought it was a deathtrap,” I offered, my voice almost normal.

  “It is. And she’ll love it.”

  We checked out and were on our way, stashing the tent in the car.

  “I’ll drop you off.”

  “I want to come with you. To give it to her.”

  He looked surprised. “All right.”

  “Can we make a quick stop first?”

  Avery pulled up in front of his sister’s and knocked on the door. Barking echoed through the townhouse, which looked way too nice for students.

  The girl who opened the door was my height with dark hair. “Waldo!”

  Waldo? Wtf.

  “Hi, Ken.” He wrapped her in a hug that had my ovaries turning over. The warmth in his voice seemed reserved for his sister.

  She didn’t look anything like her brother. But that didn’t seem to get in the way of their relationship and the way he hugged the crap out of her.

  “I came to drop off your present.” Avery held the box with the tent over his shoulder.

  She grinned. “Who the hell is this?”

  Avery glanced at me with a rare hesitation. “Kenna, this is Charlotte. Charlotte’s my—”

  “Um, I know who Charlotte is. We’ve spoken on the phone. Plus, you talk about her all the time. Oh, was I not supposed to say that?” She shot her brother a fake innocent look. He glared but held the door for me.

  Two things occurred to me as I crossed the threshold. First, that I was going to like Kenna. Second, that seeing Avery like this was seeing a whole other side of him.

  “You guys want a drink? My roommate’s not here. I have juice. And maybe soda. We were cleaning out the fridge since we’re gone for the weekend.”

  “Remind me who you’re going on this trip with?” Avery asked under his breath as we followed her down the narrow but modern hall, past too many shoes to belong to just one girl, and into the kitchen.

  “Tabs. Jen. Maddie.” She turned to me. “Tabs and Jen are my roommates. Tabs is loaded. Hence the place.” Kenna waved a casual hand toward the living room, complete with old but shiny wood floors, two couches, and a fireplace.

  “Thank God,” Avery commented.

  “Aww, you’re worried there’ll be guys? Brother, dearest. There’s something I need to tell you—”

  “Don’t say it.” Avery’s face paled.

  She grinned wickedly. “I’ve had sex! With a man!”

  “Don’t say ‘man.’”

  “You want me to say ‘boy’?”

  “I don’t want you to say anything.”

  The dynamic was fucking fascinating. I watched their banter until finally she gave up. Kenna moved to the box containing the tent, which Avery slung off his shoulder and deposited in front of her.

  “Wait. No wrapping. And where’s my card?” she teased.

  “You don’t need a card. Cards are for people who cheaped out on a gift.” He looked to me for backup and I nodded.

  Kenna ripped into the tent with delight. “This is amazing! I’ve always wanted a tent. This is seriously the best gift you’ve ever given me.”

  “I might have had some help,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

  That reminded me. “I got you some accessories to go with the tent.” I held out the gift bag I’d gotten at Walgreens, along with a few last-minute supplies.

  She opened the bag and tissue paper I’d stuffed into it in the car, pulling out one item after another.

  A camping mug. Streamers. Temporary tattoos.

  “Everything’s purple!”

  “What you need for a fun weekend away.” I’d noticed the color was in nearly all of her pictures when I’d pulled up her social media profile in the car. From her reaction, I could tell I’d guessed right that it was her favorite.

  Avery’s brows pulled together as he reached for a box under the streamers and tattoos. “Are those…?”

  “Purple condoms?” Kenna snatched them out of his hand, holding up the package. “Nice.”

  The look Avery shot me was designed to melt me into the floor.

  “Kenna, did you get your brother a purple tie by any chance?”

  “Sure did. Why?”

  “No reason. Hey, what’s with the Waldo thing?”

  “No.” Avery’s authoritative voice rang through the room.

  Kenna grinned. “You don’t know that story?”

  “Hmm, I don’t think I do.” I couldn’t hide my delight as Avery rubbed a hand over his face.

  “You know Where’s Waldo? The kids’ books where you search for that guy with the glasses and the red hat in a sea of people?”

  “Yeah.” I vaguely remembered the dense, colorful illustrations.

  “Avery went as Waldo for Halloween.”

  “How old were you?” I asked.

  “Oh, no,” Kenna cut in. “Not one year. Every year. Like, until senior year, I think? Maybe to a law society mixer…”

  “That is not true.”

  “I think I have pictures. He was obsessed with Waldo. Had all the books. There are art prints in his townhouse—have you seen them?”

  Avery’s expression was bleak. “We put those up when you moved in.”

  “Don’t pretend they were for me.”

  “Now that you’ve completely emasculated me, why don’t you get that dog of yours?”

  “Sure. Thanks for taking Charlie for the weekend
,” Kenna offered. “I shut him in the other room.”

  A bark from far away captured my attention again. Kenna crossed the room and opened the closed door. The golden retriever that barreled out was shiny and happy, its dog mouth open in a grin.

  “I’ll go get his things.” She bustled out, leaving me alone with Avery, who bent down to stroke the dog’s ears.

  I struggled to catch up. “Wait, the dog is Charlie?”

  “Yes. I couldn’t bring myself to call you the same name, even if it was what you wanted.” A smile ghosted over his face. “Not everything I do is designed to piss you off, you know.”

  I studied the two of them together. Avery, bent nearly double to pat this squirmy creature, its tongue lolling out one side as it panted with happiness, was the last image I’d ever expected to witness.

  “How long has Kenna had him?”

  “He was our dog. I bought him when she moved in with me to make the transition easier. Dumb idea. Took us weeks to house train the thing.” But he scratched the dog’s ears with affection. “I sent him with her when she moved out. You know, to give her something to take responsibility for.”

  “Not to protect her when you couldn’t.”

  “Of course not.” He straightened and the dog whined as its scratching post disappeared.

  Seeing Avery like this, his protectiveness. He smiled more and teased more. It was sexy as hell.

  “What?” he asked at my expression.

  “You’re different like this. With your sister. You’re fun. You’re funny. Why aren’t you like that with anyone else?”

  He folded his arms over his chest. “I don’t like anyone else.”

  “That’s not true. You like me.”

  “I’d like to do very bad things to you,” he corrected, his eyes sparking as he leaned against the counter.

  I wasn’t sure why it bothered me when he swung the topic back to sex. I tried once more. “Maybe if we both want them, they’re not bad anymore.”

  Avery’s gaze searched mine. Finally he shifted off the counter and glanced toward the door. “Let me get Charlie’s things and I’ll drop you off. I’m sure you have plans tonight. Thousands of Bostonians needing shoe advice.”

  I blew out a breath. “Right,” I muttered as I watched him turn to go after his sister.

  He wasn’t being an asshole and we were on good terms. The chemistry between us was off the charts, and unless my radar was completely gone, we were destined for more steamy times ahead.

  So why did it feel like I had less of a handle on him than ever?

  17

  It’s about Trust

  Thursday night after Avery dropped me off, I defrosted my freezer money.

  Friday the entire gala team was working out of Jefferson, doing a last-minute push on attendee numbers for next week. With Mallory looking over my shoulder, I’d designed a social media blitz that Redpath and our board agreed to share to encourage hold-outs to sign up. I barely saw Avery, who was in meetings to prepare for his TV appearance Monday, except for a look exchanged in the hallway.

  When I counted the bills Saturday, I decided I could afford the trip to New York. It wouldn’t leave me a lot extra, but this was worth it. I talked to Grams about it, and her eyes had lit up in a way I hadn’t seen in years.

  I spent the rest of the weekend working out the details. I loved having something to work on. I might not have done it for me, but I’d do it for her.

  I also found my thoughts drifting to Avery. We’d had the best conversation walking down the street like equals. Like we both wanted to be there. I loved how he listened. His questions. How he’d opened up for me even if he wasn’t willing to admit it.

  The way he’d looked at me in the tent, like he wanted me more than his next breath.

  And then…the reminder that it was just physical.

  The more I learned about him, the more I liked him. I got that he’d been forced to take control when his mom couldn’t. When she wasn’t trustworthy. Second-guessing himself was probably a liability when he had to take care of himself and his sister.

  After hearing nothing all weekend, I caved and texted him Sunday night.

  Charlie: Hey, you ready for your big TV debut? I made some notes on Mallory’s talking points and packed an emergency kit for us to take to the studio

  I hadn’t gotten a response by the time I arrived at Alliance Monday morning. Avery was at his desk when I arrived, his suit smooth and perfect.

  “Hi. You ready? You look good. I was thinking we could call a car, so we don’t have to worry about parking at the other end, and…”

  His gaze met mine, and I knew something was wrong. Even before he said, “Shut the door.”

  I did.

  “Is there something you want to tell me?”

  “How many syllables? Rhymes with…” I lifted a shoulder. My teasing faded at his expression.

  I followed his gaze to the stack of papers on his desk.

  Not papers. Calendars.

  I swore softly.

  “Facilities left them when they moved your desk back outside. Thought they were mine.”

  “I can explain—”

  “Where did you get the photos?”

  “Your social,” I said under my breath.

  “My sister posted those pictures. You found them, copied them. Distributed them.”

  I winced. “Come on. You got July.”

  He stared back at me and my gut twisted.

  “Avery, it was a joke. It happened awhile ago.”

  “Then why do you still have a full box of these by your desk?”

  I blew out a breath. “Fair point. But don’t overreact—“

  “Overreact.” He snapped the word. “How would you react if you’d been put in a calendar half naked without your knowledge.”

  “It’s not the same. It’s only funny because of the divide.” At his blank stare, I went on. “You know, because you’re guys. And you have power. And we thought…”

  “Who’s we.” My stomach twisted. “Charlotte, you’re going to tell me who else was involved.”

  “It was just me.”

  He studied me for a long moment.

  “I shared things in confidence. Hell, I introduced you to my sister. And this is how you treat personal information. You display it to the world for your own benefit.”

  I was starting to get where he was coming from.

  This was worse than the time he’d fired me. The way he was looking at me. Like I’d hurt him personally. Violated his trust.

  It felt like all the ground I’d gained had vanished in an instant.

  “I’m sorry,” I managed.

  “I don’t care.” Avery shoved his hands in his pockets, staring at me like he wished I’d melt into the floor.

  “Look, let’s talk about this after your TV interview. I made some notes,” I held up my phone, “And we can go over them on the way over.”

  “You’re not going. You’re going to stay here and destroy every copy of that.” He glanced toward the calendar.

  “But I can help you.”

  “I don’t want your help. You will continue to work with Mallory on the gala. I don’t want you scheduling my meetings. Talking to my clients. I don’t even want you getting my lunch. From today until you leave, you are going to make yourself invisible.”

  Avery shrugged into his jacket. Fastened the button lightly with one hand before his hard gaze came back to mine.

  “This is about last week,” I realized. “It’s not about the calendars. It’s because of the things we talked about. The fact that you want an excuse not to let people in.”

  “This is about trust.” His voice had an edge beneath the surface. “You abused mine and this time I won’t forget it.”

  He walked out, pulling the door after him.

  18

  I Wanted You To Know

  “Hey, Charlie.” Rose stuck her head into the photocopier room. “Got any of those calendars left?”

&nbs
p; I straightened, turning toward the door. “I’m getting out of the rogue printing business.”

  “Too bad. Hey, would you mind helping me with some expense claims? I’ve been trying to fill out that form twenty-five for international trips, and I keep getting bounce backs.”

  “Oh, that’s easy. If you check a box on the previous page, you don’t get an error. I’ll show you.”

  A relieved smile stretched across her face. “Thanks, Charlie.” She hesitated. “It was nice of your boss to send us for lunch.”

  “Yeah. Nice.”

  Avery’d left his card number with me last week and hadn’t said anything about canceling the lunch since our fall out this morning. But I hadn’t been able to eat a bite of the lobster I ordered.

  Looking around my friends’ smiling faces, I reminded myself we weren’t meaning to do any harm. Just having some fun.

  So why did I feel so damned guilty about it?

  “He said hi in the hallway to me last week.” Rose’s words brought me back. “He even asked my name, because I think he forgot it.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Yeah? Well, he’s going to need a new assistant.”

  Her eyes went round. “What? Seriously?”

  “I’m leaving. In a couple of weeks, actually. Looking for new opportunities. HR isn’t making a big deal of it, but I’m sure they’d consider you.”

  “Wow. I can’t imagine this place without you, but I’ll definitely apply. Thanks, Charlie.”

  “Listen, I have to do something, but I’ll come by in a few, OK?”

  After she left, I moved away from the table and pulled out the box of calendars I’d brought from my desk.

  Staring out at me was Avery Banks.

  I pulled the top calendar off the stack and fed it through the paper shredder. Then the next. I thought it would be more satisfying to feed his face through the shredder. It wasn’t.

  The last calendar in hand, I flipped it open. The other guys who’d been chosen from the esteemed panel of me, Emma, and Kristal had always appealed to me. Now, though, I couldn’t get any more excited than “meh” about a single one of them. Even Blake from derivatives, who everyone said had the best six-pack in the building.